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proud mutter

Minnesota. Mom. Writer. 

Proudly muttering through this thing called #life.

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TRUE STORY: ‘They deserve it’: Mom baits porch pirates with garbage-filled packages

Writer's picture: maggie bittnermaggie bittner

It’s the holiday season, which means things are getting naaasty. At least in Colorado.


Fed up with jerks stealing packages off of her porch, an all too common trend this time of year, a Colorado mother has started baiting the thieves with garbage boxes. Each one contains a messy mixture of cigarette buts, kitty litter and “general rubbish.” As the cherry on top, she’s posted a sign in front of her home that reads:


Me: 3 You: 0. Stop stealing s**t and you won’t be dealing with s**t.


Meanwhile in Minnesota, a woman received a “thank you” note from the porch pirate who stole her package and thus took the Minnesota Nice trope to a whole new level.


Thief thank you note
Image Credit: Star Tribune/Mpls Police

So what’s this woman to do but start leaving decoys too? But as it turns out, this style of payback is nothing new. Yes, these women are copycats. And some might say the trend ironically originated in the land of Nice Icy Land itself: Minnesota.


Minnesota: 1

Colorado: 0


A few years back, one Minneapolis man who was tired of thieves taking his shit, literally left them shit. An incident that left his neighbors actually asking to donate their own stockpiles of shit to the cause. (We’re “nice” but we never said we weren’t weird.)


Minnesota: 2 Colorado: 0


Now, the St. Paul police have even gotten in on the game, leaving bait packages on victims’ door steps in hopes they will be stolen under their watchful eye and proving once again that what Christmas giveth, the police will taketh away.


Final Score: Minnesota: 3 Colorado: negative infinity

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