This Friday I bring you the mental load of motherhood in pictures and words.
I’ve got to pick up the cake for the 5th birthday party tomorrow. Can’t be late for my niece’s graduation ceremony this afternoon. The temp is topping out at 90 degrees today. Finally, summer is here. Fuck, our air conditioner is broken. Did I make that doctor appointment? Are we going to tour that new daycare? Did I brush my teeth this morning? I have no idea what we’ll eat for dinner tonight. My dress is too tight. Was it this tight when I wore it last week? Did I forget to pack the show and tell today? Ugh. I left the graduation card at home. Do the kids get enough vitamin C? I have to buy toilet paper. And a new broom. Our kitchen floor is naaasty. Good thing the little one is starting to crawl. Did I pay the credit card bill? What’s the name of that song again? I should add it to the kid’s playlist. Oh my god I forgot the baby’s dirty clothes from daycare in my car last night. Better pick up more laundry detergent along with that broom and toilet paper. Laundry? When am I going to have time to do the laundry? Ugh. I have to pee. Again. I’m drinking a lot of coffee these days. Wait, am I drinking too much coffee? I better Google that. Internet’s not working. I’ll add that to the to-do list. Let’s see…to-do item number eight hundred and fifty-six: Call the devil Comcast. I was going to cut the cord with them a long time ago. Yuck, that always reminds me of umbilical cords. Oooh, did I ever download and save the images from the baby’s birth? I should probably do that. It’s getting kinda awkward to come across them every time I tap “see all photos” on my phone. I need to upgrade my phone. To-do list item number eight hundred and fifty-seven. It’s noon already? I’m hungry. I better eat something. When did I eat last? Is it too soon to eat? I need to workout. Maybe I should skip working out and eat nothing instead. Is eating nothing bad for you? Don’t they call it intermittent fasting these days? More like starving. I’ll Google it. Damn. Fucking internet. Did we decide who’s doing daycare pickup tonight? I should call. I don’t want to call. Don’t feel like calling. Or talking. Or thinking. Is it possible to just entirely stop thinking? If I could have a superhero trait that’s what I’d want mine to be: not thinking. Then maybe I’d get some peace and quiet. Am I a good mom? Do other moms think about this shit? They must, right? Yeah, they must. I bet they also bake cakes instead of picking up cakes. Well, screw you other moms. Shit I gotta go. Now where did I put my keys…
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