5 THINGS FRIDAY: 5 Things that Make the Overwhelm Monster Go Away

The other night I had a dream that I was staring out the window of a beautiful ocean-side house, holding my one and a half year-old son. It looked and felt magical and I remember thinking, What am I even doing here? Then suddenly in the distance, I saw that a volcano had formed on the shore of some not too distant island. I silently watched as smoke quickly started to rise and then, boom! A giant flaming hot ball of fire erupted out of it, landed smack dab in the ocean and then started swiftly floating right at us. All I could do is sit there and stare at the impending doom. I was frozen in fear. It was nearly upon us, threatening to encapsulate the entire house, when I figured it was time to get the hell out of there. And then I woke up.

I don’t know what any of this means. Well, at least I didn’t know until I got to work and woke up my laptop this morning. There, waiting to greet me like a giant pixelated fire ball on my screen was this window:

So, yeah. I think my brain is telling me that I’m experiencing a bit of overwhelm—more than a thing or two has been occupying my thoughts since the last time I sat down to post anything. First there was Christmas. Then came the New Year. Then came cleaning up after Christmas and the New Year, both mentally and physically. And then came the transition back into post-Christmas and New Year life, the hardest of all three IMHO. And then there are all things life that don’t go away while you’re ending one year and starting another, they just go on mute for a little bit...and then come blaring back in your ears out of nowhere, like when you’re the first to turn the TV on after grandpa was watching the news last night.

I know I’m not the only one. It’s for that very reason that I’ve chosen to write about overwhelm here before. But I guess the thing that got me thinking about this mental state of mind again is the post New Year realization that even though our calendars have flipped over, all the social trash that’s been piling up year after year is still very much here. If you pay any attention to the news cycle, it feels like the whole ball of yarn is unraveling: global warming, mass shootings, Twitter rants, impeachment...I mean even the royal fucking family is in shambles. Compound that with our everyday bullshit trash like errands and to-do lists, bills, kids who need new socks— it’s like the ball of yarn has caught fire and his hurling toward all of our faces.

Just like in my dream, the combination of our imminent social collapse and my personal overwhelm can be pretty fucking paralyzing. In order to wake up and move on, I have to keep reminding myself of a few things. First of all, under no circumstances should I take my children to an ocean front house across from an island volcano. Second, I have to make a conscious effort to just stop. Stop thinking about all the bad stuff and start looking for the good. That’s one surefire way to quell the overwhelm and help me feel like I’ve got a modicum of control within this crazy ass train wreck of a world. Sure, there are numerous ways to accomplish this, therapists, meds, vodka...but I’m just going to focus on this one thing for now.

Some days finding the good means ditching the chorus of depressing CNN headline updates and opting into the People magazine alerts instead. (Did you know that Vanessa Hudgens and Austin Butler are breaking up after 8 years of dating? I know, right?! I mean, I don’t even know who these people are but it’s still a preferable story to see pop up while I’m sitting on the toilet. Oh, what? Like you don’t bring your phone in the bathroom.) Sometimes it means just not looking at social media for a day. But that’s like, really really hard. And kinda boring. So today, it means looking at a few good things that are happening in the world—helpful reminders that despite all the bad shit, there are still plenty of good things and plenty of people doing good things. They just don’t often make the big headlines. To that end, here are five good things that I hope continue to trend into 2020 and beyond. They really seem to help with that whole overwhelm thing and basically make life suck less. And there is no substitution for less suckiness in this world. Wouldn’t you agree, computer thesaurus?

That’s what I thought. Now, on with the list.

1. Co-Working Daycares

When I start to feel like childcare (not to mention the toll it takes on working families) is so irreparably fucked up in our culture, this reminds me that with a little creativity, maybe we can figure it all the fuck out. Canada did. They flipped the corporate daycare model that attaches the daycare to the corporate office and attached an office to a daycare instead. It’s literally just a daycare that has a room with desks in it so parents can get their shit done and be close to their kids at the same time. It makes so much sense, my brain hurts just thinking about why all daycares don’t do this.

Kids & Company launched its first Kidco Work location in Toronto this summer, after seeing the significant interest generated by co-working spaces that offer child care. Cofounder and chief executive Victoria Sopik realized her centers could offer the same convenience, in reverse. The child care is the harder piece to operate,” she said. “The desks in the room are easy to deliver.”

2. Taboo-Busting TV Moms

When I start getting bummed out about how moms are too often typecast in this life, to the point that they cease being people and instead get defined by one of their many titles, I’m reminded that there is a cultural shift happening, at least on TV and especially by the 9 buzz-worthy onscreen moms this Romper article salutes. Even if this shift means we have to feel a little uncomfortable at times, it’s important for everyone to realize the seemingly obvious but oft ignored fact that moms are real, complex people too, yo.

The most compelling characters, the ones in shows receiving nods from the Emmys and the Golden Globes, grappled with issues that are still — even in this day of wine-mom memes and #motherhoodunfiltered — deeply taboo. They addressed our favoritism, our ambivalence, our fear of what this world is becoming and what we’ll sacrifice to protect our own. They revealed the degree to which breaking free from our identity as mothers brings us fulfillment. One writer we approached for this project was concerned that any exploration of the taboos broken on screen would read as acceptance, or even encouragement, of the character’s behavior. True, onscreen moms are wading into the gray areas where we’re most uncomfortable as women and as writers...But, as these characters show, it’s in the shadowy places where expectations are upended and audiences captivated.

3. Motherload Sharing

When the invisible mental load of motherhood starts making me feel like I want to hide under the bedcovers all day and scream and/or cry, this reminds me that a) I’m not alone and b) sharing is caring. The more we openly and honestly talk about how this shit be cray, like this mom did, the more we can hopefully start changing the systems that perpetuate the cycle.

On any given day I am a glorified Uber, short-order cook, referee, maid service, a teacher and psychologist. I’m called to drop off instruments at school when they are left behind and also instill in them a sense of responsibility for their actions. Not to mention tending to your friendships and your family relationships, and your marriage. By the time you get to thinking about yourself – it’s hard to imagine even attempting to do anything for yourself outside of just catching your breath. The juggle is real! I’m not writing this with the end-all solution, I’m simply sharing because I know I am not alone. It is reassuring just to know that you are not the only one that isn’t in love with being mommy 24/7, who is struggling to make it through her day-to-day or that the people who look like they have everything together fall apart more often than we realize.

4. Bag Bans

Stick with me here. When I get all flummoxed about how we, as consumers on this planet, need to start changing how we use plastic, paper, etc. etc. in our lives, I get even more pissed off by the fact that the industries truly responsible for the shit storm of a situation our planet is in put the bulk of responsibility on consumers instead of doing anything of value themselves.

Case in point: In Minneapolis, we are now paying five cents per paper bag when we go to any retail store that provides paper bags. Is this annoying? Slightly. Do I think it will make any real difference in the grand scheme of things? Not really. Would I rather the city just take away the bags altogether? Yeah, actually. Because Thailand. The country, along with a few others, recently banned all plastic bags and I’m sure this freaked a lot of people out, as it would here in the states. But as the clever people of the internet always remind me, everything will be ok. Even if a bag ban does eventually come our way, we can take a page from Thailand’s book: find a way to deal and make ourselves laugh in the plastic-less process.

5. Donation, Donation, Donation

When I start feeling overwhelmed by all the extra and often unnecessary shit in my life, this donation location list reminds me that there are so. many. places. that would gladly take it off of my hands. Because one person’s cause of hyperventilation is another person’s treasure.

Happy Friday! May your dreams be free of fire balls and filled with good things this weekend and beyond.