Minnesota is land of the passive aggressive. How this came to be is a question that has plagued even the brightest minds for years. Is it the weather? The lack of vitamin D? Lutefisk? Maybe it’s in our DNA, like our long O accents. Or maybe it’s in the water…eew. Anyhoo, nowhere does this “Minnesota Nice” attitude show itself better than in the Minnesota Mom.
Sure, she may seem super sweet and welcoming with her casserole dishes, her “You betchas!” and her “Oh fer cutes!” But rest assured, she is just as dark, snarky and jaded as the next guy. She’s smiling on the outside and judging on the inside. She sipping coffee from a mug with the words “World’s Greatest Mom” on the outside and a double shot of Baileys on the inside. She’s a jerk in mom’s clothing, which quite frankly, can make her a little hard to recognize at times. So for the sake of society as a whole, I’ve taken it upon myself to offer up a little primer.
Here are 5 Minnesota Mom sayings and their official translations. If you don’t know a Minnesota Mom, now you will be able to spot one at least one mile away. If you already know one, may you learn to appreciate and love her for what she is. And after all, even as she’s following you out to your car door for a long Minnesota goodbye or aggressively offering you leftover meatloaf, Minnesota Mom means well. Sort of.
1. "Oh geez Louise."
MN Mom for “For fuck’s sake, Judy. I only joined the PTA so that I’d have an excuse to get out of the house. Can we stop talking about last year’s talent show and just go to the bar now?”
2. "Holy buckets!"
MN Mom for “You paid HOW much for those Sorel boots? Well, that asshole husband of yours must be doing quite well for himself.”
3. "Don’t. Budge."
MN Mom for “Listen, kid. We’ve been in this Target line for 30 minutes. Your brother is screeching and licking the candy display over there and I’ve had to piss since the freezer aisle. Move from this spot and I’ll tell Santa AND the Easter Bunny that you put the cat in the dryer again.”
4. "Oh, in 20 minutes er so."
MN Mom for “Keep your shirt on, Karen. I’ve got a hot coffee in one hand, a screaming child in the other and a husband who’s sleeping off a half case of Pabst. I’ll be there when I get there.”
5. "It’s not that cold out."
MN Mom for “Of course it’s fucking cold out here. I’m freezing my tits off. But let’s put a happy face on for the kids, shall we?”
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