Tonight, while reading Dr. Seuss’s ABC, my eldest son (Kid A) asked me who gave the book to me. An odd question, since I myself procured the book from the store and gave it to him. After some expert decoding, I finally understood his inquiry to mean who wrote the book, to which I happily replied, “Dr. Seuss.” But because simple answers rarely satisfy four year-old minds, especially at bed time, he then asked where Dr. Seuss was now. After a brief pause, I was forced to say what every mother hates saying, “He died.” And then added, “A long, long time ago,” which is every mother’s attempt at establishing a great distance between our children and the idea of death, putting it in the same camp as dinosaurs and other ancient things like rotary telephones, and thereby nailing the coffin good and shut on the ol’ mortality convo.
Or so we hope.
Kid A did not take the bait. Instead, he followed up with, “But when is Dr. Seuss coming back?”
Oh boy.
“Let’s just keep reading, buddy.”
- - -
In honor of 4 year-old existential crisis—and also just for funsies—here are 10 actual questions from my kid that have left us both with more questions than answers.
1. "Why?" Just why. The question to literally every answer I give. Always.
2. "What is that man doing?" I never really know. Nor do I actually want to.
3. "What is March?" A month? Fake spring? An excuse to sit in the basement and eat Girl Scout cookies?
4. "Why is there so, so, so much traffic?"
If I knew, do you think we'd have been sitting at this traffic light for the past 8 minutes?
5. "Where is heaven?" Great question. Where's your father?
6. "Is it snowing? AGAIN?" Fuuuck. Why do we live here?
7. "Why are you flusterated?" Hmmm. How much time you got?
8. "Why are you wearing socks?" I don't know, why are YOU wearing socks?
9. "Do only old people die? Yes or no?" I.
Can't.
Even.
WHERE is your father?
10. "Can you see angels?" You mean you can't? We better get your eyes checked.
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