When did shopping for light bulbs become like picking a college major? You know you need one, you don’t really care which one, but none of the options seem like your option and they’re all stupid expensive.
Today I came to Target a simple person in need of a simple light bulb and left an empty shell of a human. I entered the lighting aisle, walked up and down the aisle, started crying in the aisle. Too. Many. Choices. And none of them right. Indoor. Outdoor. LED. HD. Soft White. Daylight. C-light. Turn off the fucking light. Turns out, spinning around in slow circles while trying to decode the meaning of not one but two wattage numbers on the front of each box and plaintively muttering “Why?” over and over again does not find you the correct light bulb.
And then, after experiencing severe bulb envy for lighting options I did not even know I wanted until that very moment and losing all comprehension of time and space, I wandered out of the god forsaken aisle some minutes or hours later scared, cold and alone...and without any fucking light bulbs.
At at least when I left my freshman college advisor’s office I had managed to snag an English Literature major. If only I could plug that useless thing into my lamp and watch it light up.
Guess who will be sending their husband to the hardware store this weekend.
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