Stick with me.
You know how sometimes there are things that you don’t even really think about until they hit you in the face? This article from SheKnows was one of those things for me today. You see, Prince Harry recently took a trip. Big deal, right? Sure, except:
This trip marks the second time Harry has traveled internationally since the birth of baby Archie on May 6: the first was a day trip to the Netherlands when Archie was just three days old. And while Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, has been criticized for everything from touching her baby bump to maybe hiring a nanny, there’s not a bad word to be found about Harry’s choice to spend a night in Rome just a few weeks after becoming a father.
PSA: Before I get into this, the fact that I’m even commenting on this royal couple makes me want to puke. I hate the way our country obsesses over this family even more than I hate the Kardashians. But, really, this is less about them and more about the bigger picture of how our culture reacts to parenthood. Ok .There. Glad I got that off my chest. Let's press on.
I’ve always known double standard parenting exists. It's been lurking in the recesses of my mind like the sleepy-eyed residue of a bad dream. But this article brought it smack dab into focus and that's because it highlights a very real and sucky thing.
Say the roles were reversed and Harry stayed at home with the babe while Meghan dashed off to some royal-ish event. Rest assured the internet would have lost its damn mind. Case in point: Amy Schumer nearly got her proverbial balls cut off when she ventured back to the stage shortly after giving birth. (And for the record, I was AMAZED that she did this because #meshpanites and #ouch.) So It's pretty clear that if it were Meghan who went off to the polo matches, you'd be hard pressed to find a kind word from the media or a pat on the back from a friend named after a bar food.
The sad fact of the matter is that this is just one story in a massive anthology of modern-day parent shaming inequities. Our culture has a huge tendency to blame and question and judge a mom on every little decision she makes yet praise fathers the minute we see them doing anything that resembles parenting or, in this case, maybe the lack thereof. This double standard smacks of 1955 housewifery. And the fact it hasn’t gone away yet is pretty fucking bonkers. We need to look at it in the eyes, like the sexist grizzly bear that it is. To put it into perspective, here are few everyday mom shaming examples, sans comedians and/or princes:
Mom takes kids to grocery store. They misbehave. People: Ugh. Why can’t she just control them? They’re so disruptive. And they’re totally in the way of the Cheez-its. 😠
Dad takes kids to grocery store. They misbehave. People are like: Aww! Look at HIM! What a wonderful dad. Parenting is so hard. He’s doing the best he can. Gush. Gush. Gush. ❤️
Mom takes kid to park. Feeds kid fruit snacks. People are like: Ga-ross! Doesn’t she know those things cause obesity and cancer and ADD and everything else that’s wrong with humans? 🤬
Dad takes kid to park. Feeds kid fruit snacks. People are like: What a thoughtful and caring dad to bring snacks to the park! And he took time away from his busy weekend to play with kids? Swoon. 😍
Let’s even take dad out of it for a sec:
Mom has baby. Goes back to work 3 months afterward. People are like: How horrible. Doesn’t she know her baby needs her? I couldn’t possibly leave my child in the hands of strangers every day. 🙄
Mom has baby. Doesn’t go back to work. People are like: Great, just what the world needs: more helicopter parenting. And with all that attention, that kid won’t ever do anything on his own. 🤨
So yeah, you get it. And if you’re a mom, you’ve felt it.
Still, some might say Harry and Meghan's deal is different because they're royalty. Okay. Of course Meg and Hare have gobs of money and like a bazillion staff members to help with feedings, diaper changes, etc. while hubby plays. So it's not like he committed any great crime or left her destitute, stranded on bed island with only her hospital issue Big Gulp water mug and Judge Judy re-runs to keep her company, like someone else I know (this girl 🙋♀).
But even so, no night nurse or staff member can take the place of a husband in times of great stress, baby bearing being one of the greatest of all stresses. Mainly because it’s not as easy to tell your night nurse to kindly fuck off as it is to tell your husband. And it still does nothing to suppress the parent shaming machine that only seems to want to gobble up the moms. And that machine doesn't give a fuck if you're a princess in a castle or a retired stripper living in a brokendown trailer.
And some might say but wait, he was away for a volunteer gig! And that's supposed to be different from doing a comedy gig or going to the fucking "grocery store" (i.e., nail salon and Starbucks) for 3 hours? (Guilty 🙋♀.) Ok, maybe he’s, like, contractually obligated by some weird royal volunteer / photo op clause or whatever. But fuck it. If we're going to give Amy shame for going away, we have give Harry some too. Trust me, there’s plenty of it to go around. I don’t know a single mother out there who wouldn’t be willing to share some of her shame load for a day.
Or better yet? Let's break the shame machine and let all parents—man, woman, plant or animal—do their thing. The good and bad decisions are theirs to make, just like anyone else out there who doesn't have offspring. The fact that people DO have spawn shouldn't mean everyone else gets a free pass to judge them for every little move they make. After all, isn't that what we have Judge Judy for?
And now I solemnly swear to never speak of the royals again. Amen.
コメント