I’ve often wondered what Armageddon will really look like. Now I know. It shall take the form of a tiny cartoon shark.
Nickelodeon is soon to be the home of the viral video hit and Pre-K heroin-like obsession turned TV Show, Baby Shark, doo doo doo doo doo’s and all.
As a parent of a Pre-K-er myself, I am uncomfortably familiar with Baby Shark and all of its soul defeating glory. It’s addictive popularity swept through my kid’s preschool room last winter like a bad case of the flu, attaching itself with ear worm voracity to his brain and shooting out his mouth like song vomit. Yet unlike all the other sticky icky things that wonder through our household, it didn’t respond to bleach wipes and hand sanitizer.
Sure, yeah, okay. It was cuteish at first. And it came in handy once or twice during snow days and for evening bribes. But I think any parent who has come into contact with this sickeningly saccharine song will agree, we should have killed that tiny little baby shark when we had the chance...before it grew into the nation sweeping, nay, world dominating sensation it has become.
But we indulged it, ironically to buy us a few minutes of quiet time so we could check our inboxes, put another kid to bed or cry into our pillows. And now it is too late. It’s outgrown us all. We are powerless under its control.
It’s Baby Shark’s world now. And we’re all just swimming in it:
The president of Nickelodeon’s consumer products, Pam Kaufman, also said in a statement to Deadline that the creative team is “moving fast to get more ‘Baby Shark’ product across multiple categories to retailers, and our content team is excited to develop a terrific original animated series that will bring this property to new heights and even more fans.” It looks like Baby Shark’s quest for global domination continues.
Yes, fellow parents, I’m afraid we only have ourselves to blame. The only thing left to do now is invest in a pair of these and re-up your tranquilizer prescription. We’re all going to need some.
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