There are plenty of chocolate bars and scented candles in this world, let alone stashed in the back of your mother's / wife's closet. So this year, skip the last-minute and overpriced trip to Target and give her something that really counts—the right words.
"I love you" is always a solid choice. Even better ? "You're doing a great job." "I appreciate you" will even go long way, longer than the grudge she holds against you for all the times you didn't say these things. The best part? You don't even need a card to write the right words in. Just a functioning mouth will do.
But on behalf of all mother's—and just in case you still need a gentle reminder of the path NOT to go down—here are 5 things you should definitely avoid saying to that special woman in your life this Sunday. After all, just because it's her day doesn't mean she can't—or won't—throw a punch. You've been warned.
1. "What's for dinner?"
Here's the deal. She's planning on staying in her sweats all day. She might not even get out of bed until noon. And she sure as shit isn't feeding anyone. Not even herself. So do your entire household a favor and start planning a delicious brunch or dinner ASAP. The last thing anyone needs is a hangry mommy on the one day of the year when she actually wants to eat all of the things.
2. "Can you watch the kids quick while I run an errand?"
The jig is up. This phrase is a dead giveaway for "I completely forgot it's Mother's Day and I need to go to the local grocery store and grab the last bunch of sad, wilted flowers they have." Just don't even try it. Unless, of course, you like the feeling of flowers being whipped in your face.
3. "I think today is a good day to power wash the deck."
No. No, today is not a good day to power wash the deck. It's not a good day to do anything except shower the bearer of your children with love and affection and time away from those very same children. Let her sleep. Let her watch 8 hours of The Great British Baking Show. Let her eat an entire cheesecake if that's what she wants. Just don't think for a minute that she isn't on to you. Even the promise of home improvement isn't going to get you out of watching the kids on Sunday.
4. "I didn't think you really cared about Mother's Day."
Have you ever seen an episode of Divorce Court? Now might be a good time to brush up.
5."[Name of child] did [an obnoxious or gross action] in [a room in your home] again."
Think this looks like a fun MadLibs game? Think again. Or just think period. And especially before you speak of the children on Mother's Day. If a kid does something stupid like poop on the living room rug or flush their socks down the toilet, it's gonna be real tempting to tell the person whose genes you're ultimately blaming for the incident. But don't. These are things you shall not utter. Just clean it up, change the clothes, shove a piece of furniture over the stain—do whatever you need to do. Just keep mom blissfully, wonderfully, beautifully unaware. What she does not know will save you all. Happy Mother's Day. XOXO.
For reals. Pizza is my savior! Happy Mother’s Day to you!
Seriously. The husband has to travel for work today, and I've already heard the "what's for dinner?" from the kids. I was this close to saying, whatever your 10 and 8 year old skills can cook up. In reality, pizza. Pizza will be delivered. Ha!